S1E3 - #FACINGFEAR: Why is it So Hard to Just Start?

On this solo episode, I discuss why it's so difficult to just start something, often the difference between dreamers and doers. I walk you through my difficult journey starting this podcast and invite you to share in the joy and excitement that it's here! Facing Fear is out in the universe - let's do this thing!

The Facing Fear podcast features individuals who approach fear in the pursuit of living unapologetically authentic lives and defining success on their own terms. Together with the interviewees and solo episodes, we are here to bring you vulnerable stories, realistic tools, motivation to conquer fear and ideas to reach your goals.

Connect with the host on Instagram @sarajmcinerney, visit www.saramcinerney.com to bring the Facing Fear workshop to your organization and leave a review below!    

Transcript

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Hello there. You're listening to facing fear with me, Sarah McNerney On this podcast, I talked to individuals who have stared down their fears and are living unapologetically authentic lives and defining success on their own terms. We are here to share vulnerable stories, get riel and motivate you to think about your own fears and how to conquer them. So let's get started. So Yea, this is here. It's out there in the universe. You're listening to it. I'm listening to it. Hopefully more than just My mom is listening to this, but I am so excited. It's on iTunes on Spotify I made a logo. All the things came together somehow and I'm just getting started with this project. It does feel amazing to accomplish this goal thus far. And I started this journey a year ago. So you might be thinking, Oh, wow, it takes a year to make a podcast. No, no, it does not. It takes much shorter than that. But I went through quite the journey just to start. So on this episode I want to talk about why it's so hard to just start something. You always have some kind of gold going on in your head. I think humans always want to start to get better. At least most of us do. And there's a big difference between those who dream and those who d'oh! And this is why I've never been attracted to the phrase. Hopefully, all your dreams come true or wish upon a star that kind of stuff. Sorry, no offense, Disney, but that just never resonated with me because there's a massive difference between dreaming and doing. Dreaming is kind of thinking around spelling things out or drawing them or whatever it may be doing is actually putting in the work and taking up your own time and sacrificing some things to make it happen. And this is where you just have to start. I learned this lesson of y. Just starting is so hard through creating this podcast. So as I mentioned, I've been at this for almost a year, and like I said, it does not take that long to make a podcast, but to kind of show you the real world example of why just starting. It's so hard, I'm going to share. My journey was starting this podcast, so I have a website Sarah McNerney dot com, where I blawg and a year ago in November, I blogged about starting a podcast. I literally called the Blawg. I'm starting a podcast. No notice that says, I'm not going to or I have That's a starting. So I was in the motion trying to do all the things and make this goal a reality. And I was so confident that I could do it, that I went ahead and posted about it, and that did not happen. I am someone who likes to think that she could do it all. I can schedule it all. I can have every relationship and maintain them, and I can run all the races and sign up for everything, and it will never catch up to me. And it'll be great. I used to think that I was invincible, and when I had my second new surgery in 2016 I learned that I was knocked, which will probably another topic that I talked about it in their time. But for now, um, I wantto go back to when I was starting the podcast, so I love podcast. I listened to them all of the time. I am consuming everything from news life stories, murder, mystery, entrepreneur stories, interviews all of the above. I love podcast. I think they're so convenient and easy to learn from. And I have just truly enjoyed this new medium. And I wanted to get in the game for a while and I had an idea, and I was super excited about it last year. And so I was like, Okay, time to learn. So I took a few podcast webinars. I bought some equipment and I started planning. And when I say planning your girl went way too far, I Now that this is a year later, I'm looking back at some of the notes that I had and I had an entire year planned out of guests week by week. Oh, my goodness. That's first of all. Just so impossible. People are not gonna be available. They're gonna move on. They may move in or out of my life like, oh, craziness. And then I had started creating instagram stories because well, when I post about having a guest like, I have to have the perfect instagram story to go with it right, and they all have to be consistent in perfect, and they have to attack the person and they have the tag. Me and oh, I was just so caught up in Perfect is the enemy of good that I truly never understood that quote until now. And it's actually on the wall on a wall in the office that I work in, and I never really understood that. But oh my gosh, perfect is the enemy of starting. It's the enemy of just doing Perfect is what a dream is. Perfect is never reality. So lesson number one Perfect is the enemy of good. So when I started researching the podcast a year ago, it was in November. So you know, just the bits of holiday season coming up on the end of the year. I was also in the middle of getting my M. B A. I was probably about eight months out from graduating myself in my fiance. We're looking at buying a house, So wow, on top of just regular life and traveling for holidays, we I stacked all these other things on top and we didn't have getting the house, and that was a dramatic, awful experience. However, we learned a lot, and when we're ready, we will redo it appropriately. Just got really caught up in the podcast thing, and I just would stop enjoying it. And it started becoming a dread so much so that I would come home and see my microphone, like sitting on my desk. After a while, I put it back in its box, and then I couldn't take seeing the box on the shell, so I put it into another closet that we never go into. And that's so sad. Your passion project should not be something that you want to hide or put away, and you should not have that feeling. If you do, it's probably time to take a break or get really serious about it and actually put in some effort and start doing for me. I found out that it was time to take a break, because in January I ended up failing one of my MBA classes and just to tell you how dramatic that was for me, the first see I ever got as a kid, I started crying. So failing is absolutely not an option for me. It never has been and failing that class was my lowest of lows me realized that I needed to check my mental health because I did not react so prettily or nicely. I guess we'll say yeah, when I failed, That was a pretty hard reality check of you. Do not have it together. You can't do everything. So I decided in that moment. Okay. What's gotta go? What's absolutely necessary And for for the time being, it was creating the podcast. So I put it away. I ended up finishing my M B a a month later than I was supposed to, which is okay, sometimes your goals, the timelines can shift. Um and I finished that in May. I had a really busy summer, and I decided to just enjoy myself. But in the back of my head, the podcast was still a thing for me, No matter how busy I was. Part of me wished that I was starting to put it out there. It's now October and I have revisited this goal and I'm actually excited. I've been listening to different podcasts intentionally to learn from them. I've been coming home after work and dedicating time to doing just a little bit every day, even if it's just a small spit. There have been some things that's helped me motivate to just start. One of those things has been I am in the middle of reading. David Goggins can't hurt me book, and he has some challenges for the readers throughout. And one of those challenges was to list all the obstacles that are up against you right now. And if you know anything about David Goggins, he's had a hell of a life, and I do not use that word lightly. He has grown up, abused, abandoned, pour all of the obstacles stacked against him are mountains. And when he challenged me to write down mine, I honestly felt kind of pathetic. Yeah, I've had some hardships here and there, and my family has. But oh my God, nothing compared to what he has. And so it made me think back of why haven't I started the podcast? I have all the support equipment and love I need. It's it's freaking go time. And so this time, too. I didn't put a deadline on myself when I was doing it. A year ago. I had a deadline, and it had to be perfect. And speaking of perfect so as you probably just heard in the background, a car just started up. I live in apartment on the bottom floor and I'm sitting here. It's a beautiful sunshiny day, so I've got my window open and you probably heard that. And that's okay, because this is a normal, really life hand. Cars go by outside. Uh, again, it just makes me laugh. Because a year ago, I would be like, Oh, my God, I should have to restart the whole thing. This is unacceptable. Everyone will know. No, who cares? Nobody. Nobody cares. Um, maybe I watched another one. I'll see something entertaining that I'll communicate back to you all. Okay. So back to David Garment Goggins and his challenge of writing down things that you're up against. I just realized that my mountains to get this done are so small. And again, it was a really good realization because it helped me think. Okay, you've got this. Just do it. If you want it, just do it. I think something else that holds us back from just starting is watching other people succeed at things that you want. Um, I forget where I heard this, but a while ago. It was either in a book or in an interview or something like that. But somebody had said Whatever you want in life, someone else probably has whatever you want to do, someone else's probably doing it better. Where you want to be someone else is probably already that, and it just makes me think that there are so many different podcasts out there. There's so many different house. Why would anyone give a shit what I have to say or what I'm going to do on here? And so that's such a hard, deep, dark pit to fall into, and I have fallen into it over and over and over, because that's what I would think when I would stare at the microphone coming home, I'd be like, Oh, you know what? I did spend $200 on that, but it's just pointless, like there's so many other podcasts, so many other people. I don't need to be doing this. There is no point nobody's gonna listen and who cares? And I sadly lost sight of the people who I want to do this. Four. I want to give people a platform to tell their stories like they've never had before. And by that I don't mean this is gonna go to a 1,000,000 followers. And now you get to tell your story to millions. No, no, not at all. I want to pull forth some stories that I think the universe deserves to hear and give people a chance to have their own platform. Not everyone is a writer or blogger or an overshare on social media, so maybe they've never been able to get out their story. And here is a place where they can do so. Okay, So something else that has helped me realize that you just have to start is that I've honestly been afraid of this thing, succeeding and again, I don't mean by this thing, getting millions of followers or getting a ton of paid advertisements. I just mean that like, Oh, if I put this out there, I actually have to keep it up. All of a sudden, people can see it, they can see me and I'm held accountable. It's so much easier to just stay in the dark and not do it, and then nobody cares what I'm doing on my weekends and all of that. So that part's a little bit scary, but I think I'm going to use that as fuel for my fire. Once I put this out, it's gotta go, and it'll be out there and yes, I can take breaks and whatnot, but I know I'm going to have the love and support to keep going. And if I don't feel that that I'm gonna retail and ask people for it because it's okay to ask for help, okay? To ask for support or have a few of your friends pump you up? We all need that every once in a while. Another reason why I put the microphone away in a place that I couldn't see. It is because I was regretting not doing this, and I was regretting it so much that I was starting to hang heavy on my heart, so I simply didn't want to see it. So I put it away. I honestly have a fear of dying. Um, just set any time. It's not like I walk around all the time and like, don't step on sidewalk cracks actually do the opposite. I'm a huge adrenaline junkie, but I everyone, so I'll get this like, huge weight off my shoulders feeling of Am I doing enough in my living life to the fullest and my living? My life is an example or help for others. What if I'm not? Should I change this? Should I do that? And I heard this at a conference and it was so helpful and it said, Live your life to the full potential and die with no regrets that is, Michael. I want to live out every possibility in this life so that I die with no regrets. And this is one of those possibilities for me. Those are some reasons why I think it's so hard to just start. So my takeaways for you are to remember that Perfect is the enemy of good. We are not aiming for perfect. We're aiming for good enough. I think about the obstacles that you're facing. Can you get over them? Can you hiked that mountain? If you can't, who can you ask for help? You have help out there, and if you don't please lean on me. Think about who you want to accomplish this goal for whether it's for yourself or other people, think about them and let that drive you. And finally, none of us are guaranteed a tomorrow. So think about it. If today was your last day, would you regret not taking a shot? If the answer is yes, then get to work. So within the past year, since I didn't put out a podcast, High redid my website this summer, and the first blogged that I wrote when I quote came back was called, So I haven't created a podcast. After failing that class and eventually getting my MBA, I took a lot of space for myself, and I did that because I realized that I was truly trying to do it all. And I wasn't allowing myself any space period. None. I worked my normal job all day, came home slammed, inasmuch schools. I could visited houses because Jacob and I were house hunting. Oh, and I forgot one thing that in the midst of all of that, I was also training for my first half marathon since I had had any surgery in 2016. So I was up running at five AM, going all day at work, coming home and doing school and then trying to work on this podcast, and that's another thing about just starting most of the time when we're working on a passion project or something we're really excited about. We have to remember that we're the only ones who actually care about this and as hard as that kind of sounds, nobody cares whether I put out this podcast Surat. They don't everybody have so much out's going on in their lives that it is only up to me to make this happen. It is on Lee up to you to make your goals happen, and that can be a lonely space to be. And in the midst of me trying to do everything at once. I wasn't leaving any space for myself to get re energized, recharged and feel good about trying to accomplish this goal. So I was absolutely drained. So I officially put the podcast aside in February earlier this year, and it was kind of a disappointing thing, but I made peace with it, and that was amazing coming to peace with. I simply can't do this right now and not carrying the guilt. I was at a women's conference recently in Bloomington called Be Golden, and one of the speakers talked about closing the trunk, so literally closing the trunk of your car, you can on Lee fit so many things in there. You need to take what is yours and leave behind what's not. And for me. I closed the trunk and left the podcast outside of the car, and I did not carry that guilt around with me, and it did not moving me down. So in that time I decided to take some time to work on myself. So here's some things that I was up to over the past few months. Instead of working on this, I started seeing a mental health therapist. I am fortunate that the insurance the company I work for Carrie's has an outlet called Doctor on Demand, where you can see a doctor for a very small co pay because it's all over face time. And so they also have a mental health therapist option. So I started seeing someone once a month, and it's been extremely helpful. Someone actually at work helped me come to this realization and get me started, So I'm super excited to share that conversation as she will be a guest on this podcast. A little bit later I learned to huge lessons from therapy one, the therapist told me, Hey, you know that Jacob loves you regardless of your accomplishments, achievements, promotions and any labels I try to associate myself with, right. And sadly, I did not know that. And it's not that he hasn't shown me that love. It's that I didn't believe that I cried when she said that because that thought has never run through my head. I am constantly labeling myself or trying to get that knot next accomplishment or promotion, or level up in something that I forget that no matter what I d'oh, I have people like Jacob around me who loved me no matter what. It is not always all about me, and that made me think I am so lucky to have a love like him in my life and without slowing down and hearing that from the therapist, How long was I going to go before I truly fully appreciated that? Another question that she had asked me is, would I still be vulnerable and open without all of my accomplishments? And I really had to think on that for a second, because if you go to my Instagram. You will see a lot of long posts where I discuss things or share my thoughts. And not all of them are super pretty and wonderful and rainbows and sunshine. Some of them are a little bit deeper. And when she said, Would you share all that? Even if you didn't have all these accomplishments that you d'oh, I was like Oh, probably not. My accomplishments are a wall. They are things for people to look at instead of truly seeing me on the inside out. And so I've tried to start practicing that a little bit more. So here's how I have done that. I have started coloring once a week. I have started writing in a happiness journal, and I've started exercising how and when I want Thio instead of constantly training for something or trying to be the best everything that I d'oh In February, when I made the decision to drop the podcast, I allowed myself to have absolutely carefree weekends, so that meant I would do no work of my day job, and I would do no side hustles ever, truly spend the time doing what I needed to do or what I wanted to Dio and had some great examples of this carefree nous happened to me this summer. So, for example, I was up in Chicago training for a race on Saturday, and then normally I would have been like, Okay, time to go home. You know, I can still get a decent amount of working for the podcast once I get back to Indianapolis. Peace out. But instead I hit up another friend of mine to see what she was up to, and we ended up spending the whole day and night together. And it was awesome. It's just so good to reconnect with her, and I never would have done that. Had I still been pushing for this goal, I would have wanted to go home right away instead of enjoying the moment and taking advantage of being in an awesome city with amazing people. And finally, I have let go of judgment of myself, which has also allowed me to let go of judgment of others. Thanks to one of my really good friends. A lesson I learned this year is to love people where they're at, not where you want them to be, where you want them to go or where you hope they return. Thio love people where they are at and truly letting go of judgment of others has allowed me to let go of judgment of myself. So I suggest you give that one a try. So until now, I never thought about measuring my happiness without accomplishment. I've been so addicted to what's next. What can I share my social media? And how can I show off my latest project that I left some of my happiness behind. So I want to ask you, how do you measure your success? What is holding you back from an unapologetically authentic life, own all of your successes, own all of your failures and own absolutely all of you? I am so excited to bring this full circle and I'm back to just starting. And I hope that in the future we can connect and continue to grow together because that's what this is all about. And one last thing. Speaking of connecting, that I've done to help myself as actually disconnect, which is a little bit ironic, but I am taking all of social media off, calling it sober social media October and so I have taken the Facebook and Instagram app off my phone. I don't really use Twitter. I feel like I'm I need to just deactivate that altogether. It's pointless, Um, because another problem with just starting as that when you don't want to or you're in that dark pit that I talked about, where you're feeling like, Why am I doing this? Who cares? Who cares? Who cares? You go somewhere to accomplish something so you get on instagram and you clear your notifications or you refresh up top and get that little notification that says no new posts. And so I would sit on Instagram, and then I would start looking at other podcasters or other people who I want to be like. And then I would scroll and scroll and scroll, and after a while it would get to me and I'd start wondering, How can I be more like them? Like, How did they get to go to that Lulu lemon class? Or how am I supposed to get to that level one day? It's just it's just impossible. I can't do it, No way. And it honestly just made me sad. And I have a lot of self confidence, but social media can get to everyone. And believe me, it's an awesome tool. I love it. I'm really active on Instagram and a little bit on Facebook, But coming off of it and again just realizing that, like, I haven't had any comments from people being like, Oh, like you haven't posted in a while. Are you okay? Like your instagram stories are empty. You good? Because guess what? All they do is just keep scrolling just like me. So coming off of those things have been amazing. It's not only given me more time in my life, it's also allowed me to be more present and toe work on this goal because I don't have any other distractions right now when I get frustrated by not knowing how to work this damn equipment or how to upload this to iTunes instead of looking at my phone and just trying to get some indoor friends right then and there, I just take a second calm down and then YouTube How the hell do I do X, y or Z? All right, So before I sign off here again, I want to challenge you of how do you measure your success. Success is so much more than what you think it iss so start taking home the little winds. What is holding you back right now? What are your mountains? How can you conquer them? Own all of your success own all of your failures and own all of you. You've only got one of you and nobody is promised that tomorrow. So just start whatever it is whenever you want to. D'oh! Just start. Thank you so much for listening. Let me know what you think by writing a review or dropping me a few stars If you scroll to the bottom of this podcast, if you are interested in bringing this podcast toe life and in person, I host a workshop called Facing Fear created to impact diverse audiences toe live unapologetically authentic lives. We will interact. Hafun share some stories and everyone will walk away with tangible tools on how they can face fear and get to that next level success. However they see fit